In an interesting case of an almost sudden burst of discontent, a young Afghan man left his house and family in Hangu and fled to Peshawar in the NWFP province of Pakistan. Twenty-five-year old Afghan refugee Ali Raza, nicked Batuk, complained that he has been brought home a ‘short and ugly’ wife and hence he was going to leave home, purporting to make his family repent for their carelessness in choosing a wife for him.

Batuk was married to his wife a year ago and apparently remained satisfied with his marriage. Just last month, the couple suffered from the stillbirth of their first-born – a baby boy. Some days ago, Batuk’s nephew Kashmali, who is nearly Batuk’s age sake (in his mid twenties), got married to an ‘allegedly’ beautiful girl of a normal stature. Before long, Batuk expressed his dissatisfaction over his family’s choice in the case of his own marriage and, shortly afterwards, went away to Peshawar.

The exact object of Batuk’s move, according to a source, is his intention to hurt his mother. This is because, in traditional Pakhtoon societies, especially among refugee Afghan families, the mother is the dominant authority in making matches and accepting/rejecting a life partner for her son. The success or failure of a marriage is, therefore, largely attributed to the mother, regardless of the actual dynamics of the relationship.

While men have the freedom to openly express their dislike of their wives, women in traditional Pakhtoon societies are almost entirely denied this liberty, especially in the uneducated communities of Afghan refugees. A woman speaking ill of her husband is considered a ‘bad-character’ figure bad and is generally disliked by the community.

However, women from the middle and upper social classes do criticize their husbands and men in the family with nearly equal freedom and confidence as do men. As a middle-class girl, after hearing Batuk’s comments on his wife, remarked: ‘Batuk did it first or else his wife should have left him on account of his life-long dyspepsia.’